22 November 2008, 4:47 am
Okay, I'm going to try and fit as much of this in here as possible: I'm twenty years old, have a semester of college under my belt (took some gen-eds), drove across the country to california over the summer, and my transmission died. No problem, it was great. I had a blast. After staying there for a couple of months I caught a plane back to my hometown, and now I'm living with my aunt who i think is having some sort of mid life crisis. Unfortunately, I have nowhere else to go right now, but that's fine. I'm dealing with it. For the most part she just drinks wine and talks about "conspiracy theories", and I ignore her. Since I cant afford another car just yet, I've been biking to get to work. It's one of the things i've learned to enjoy about my day. Everyone in my family has been telling me to get my life together. My parents are divorced. Dad says he's "waiting for me to find my path", and my mom thinks I need help from Jesus or something. I seriously dont know what to do anymore. I worked for a landscaping company before I left town, and made pretty good money. When I came back though, it seems the only jobs available were part-timers with highschool kids. I'm working on paying off some debt, and it should be taken care of in another month. Then I'll start saving. I look forward to that. I want to go back to school, but mostly just for the socializing (i know, wrong reasons). As much as I'd like to know what I want to do career-wise, that still hasnt come to me yet. I've been told the reason why I dont get anywhere is because I "dont take myself seriously, so why should anyone else", and that bothers me. I consider myself an extremely self-aware individual, yet anymore it seems like that's become a handicap. I'm not a bad looking guy, but for some reason I cant seem to find anyone to start a relationship with. If you ever met me in real life, you'd probably just think I was another average person. But my self esteem goes up and down. Sometimes I literally feel like I'm on top of the world, and others I see no point in anything. For the most part though, I tend to think I'm optomistic. So....why cant I figure this out? It's come to the point where I find myself going online and having to ask something like this. "The answers are within you!", yeah I know....I doubt it. I think I'm just missing something here.... Read More »
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